Day 12: Tuesday, February 19

I thought I had reached the turning point once and for all. I had been afraid to commit myself to what I knew God was calling me to do. But I had finally turned that corner and succumbed to God’s will. I knew I was on the right path because, for the first time in my life, I was filled with a “peace that surpasses all understanding.” I had heard that expression practically every Sunday for the last decade, but I never really understood it. But then, just as I was embracing the peace, the old fears came back. “What if I’m not worthy?” “What if I screw it up somehow?”

Before I knew it, my peace gave way to fear, and the fear led to shame. I wanted to hide from God, just like Adam and Eve. But instead I asked God to break me—to do anything necessary to get me to finally turn over the fear once and for all. I’ve asked God to do this before, but this time I really meant it. No reservations. No wishful thinking that it wouldn’t be too painful. I was ready to face anything. In response, God reminded me that He loves me and cherishes me. And I understood that giving in to my fear was the only thing that could keep me separated from God.

It’s a daily choice to trust in God’s love and forgiveness, sometimes a minute-by-minute choice. With practice and help from the Holy Spirit, I am learning to make that choice every time.

Alecia Moroz